雅思寫(xiě)作 | 怎么快速寫(xiě)好一篇雅思作文

很多同學(xué)都很關(guān)注雅思寫(xiě)作 | 怎么快速寫(xiě)好一篇雅思作文這個(gè)問(wèn)題，那么接下來(lái)就跟著中國(guó)教育在線小編一起來(lái)看看吧，相信你通過(guò)以下的文章內(nèi)容就會(huì)有更深入的了解。

所以今天塔塔老師會(huì)給大家分享近期批改的一篇典型5.5分學(xué)生作文，透過(guò)這篇文章，來(lái)解析考生中普遍存在的邏輯以及詞匯表達(dá)問(wèn)題。

首先，我們先花1分鐘時(shí)間看一下題目：

In many countries women are allowed to take maternity leave from their jobs during the first month after the birth of their baby. Do advantages outweigh disadvantages?

在分析學(xué)生作文之前，對(duì)于小白同學(xué)來(lái)說(shuō)，老師先給出一些注意事項(xiàng)。

題型方面，本文屬于利弊分析，因此在構(gòu)段時(shí)需要注意，結(jié)構(gòu)必須采用雙邊討論的寫(xiě)法，也就是利與弊都必須下一個(gè)錯(cuò)別字討論到才行。

話題方面，本文屬于社會(huì)類話題，討論的是女性生完小孩后的第一個(gè)月被允許休產(chǎn)假的利與弊。

接下去我們一起來(lái)看一下學(xué)生的這篇作文：

Its a basic right for women to take maternity leave from their jobs during the first month after giving birth to a baby. Its beneficial to women and the company in the long run.

Women are exhausted both physically and mentally after delivery especially for the first month. Therefore, a series of recovery is definitely needed to maintain normal states of health. A healthy body lays the foundation for women to return to work in a good condition which is vital for the efficiency after the break.

Besides, the policy of providing a month of maternity contributes to new mothers who havent experience of having a baby yet. This break gives them a chance to get used to the life as a role of infant caregivers. So they know how to balance the work and the baby in the future and make appropriate daily plannings for the job.

Although the absence would certainly brings some inconvenience for the company, we can solve the problem by handing over the work of the break month to other colleagues in advance to keep the overall efficiency of the company. By this means，not only can the company set up a positive image，but also retain the workforce. For some companies, it may be possible to simply ask a new person to take her place during maternity leave. This actually requires a more complicated handover process, because the person will likely have to learn the project from the beginning, which is a waste of labor and time.

All in all, allowing the maternity leave for the first month is conducive to individuals and companies，even for the whole society.

讀完感覺(jué)如何？知道老師為什么給它打5.5分嘛？

本文的扣分點(diǎn)主要在邏輯以及詞匯兩個(gè)方面，邏輯方面的問(wèn)題出在兩個(gè)方面：

一、開(kāi)頭段以及結(jié)尾段的觀點(diǎn)表達(dá)與主體段的內(nèi)容不匹配

本文作者主體段中對(duì)于休產(chǎn)假的利與弊分別進(jìn)行了討論，符合題目的要求，但是我們可以觀察到，開(kāi)頭段中的觀點(diǎn)句Its beneficial to women and the company in the long run.以及結(jié)尾段中的觀點(diǎn)句Allowing the maternity leave for the first month is conducive to individuals and companies, even for the whole society.都只提到了自己更支持的那邊的信息，完全沒(méi)有提到較不支持，但是也在文章中討論過(guò)的缺點(diǎn)。

這樣一來(lái)，本文的開(kāi)頭和結(jié)尾闡述的觀點(diǎn)，就與主體段的內(nèi)容不一致了。這里，我們可以使用Despite the trouble caused by the leave, its beneficial to women the company in the long run.的讓步句型替換。大家平時(shí)寫(xiě)大作文也需要避免雙邊討論的文章中觀點(diǎn)表述得過(guò)于單方面的錯(cuò)誤習(xí)慣。

二、論點(diǎn)和論證順序不符合閱讀習(xí)慣

大家會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)，本文作者在寫(xiě)主體段時(shí)，會(huì)習(xí)慣性地先提出原因細(xì)節(jié)，再得出結(jié)論，這一點(diǎn)在寫(xiě)作考試中是非常讀者不友好的。

為了使段落重點(diǎn)更清晰易讀，老師建議大家，把自己的每個(gè)分論點(diǎn)（也就是結(jié)論性質(zhì)的語(yǔ)句）放在段落或是這一個(gè)分論點(diǎn)寫(xiě)作的最前面，而后再展開(kāi)論證。

如原文的主體段可以修改為：

A healthy body lays the foundation for women to return to work in a good condition, which is vital for the efficiency after the break. Women are exhausted both physically and mentally after delivery especially for the first month. Therefore, a series of recovery is definitely needed to maintain normal states of health.

改完之后是不是清晰多了？

詞匯方面，除了少數(shù)類似will likely to的搭配錯(cuò)誤以外，這篇作文中重復(fù)多次暴露出了一個(gè)詞匯規(guī)范問(wèn)題：縮寫(xiě)，也就是it is寫(xiě)成了its。

同學(xué)們寫(xiě)作文時(shí)要注意了，這種縮寫(xiě)方式都不能使用的，正式的書(shū)面語(yǔ)中不會(huì)采用這種寫(xiě)法，還是規(guī)規(guī)矩矩地分開(kāi)一個(gè)單詞一個(gè)單詞寫(xiě)吧。

類似的例子還會(huì)有：dont（do not），cant（cannot）等。

希望有類似錯(cuò)誤的同學(xué)在看了剛剛的批改后也能把錯(cuò)誤的寫(xiě)法修改過(guò)來(lái)，避免重復(fù)出錯(cuò)，高效提升寫(xiě)作得分！

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